Chapter Fifty Six: I Knew I Loved You

For the best gift our parents gave me (even if it was four days before my third birthday – making my second the last time my birthday was special ;))

For my little K’s favorite (and only) Sitti

For my original K AND my original M

Happy Birthday! This chapter….scratch that…Every thing I ever write will always be for you!

Maybe it’s intuition

But some things you just don’t question

Like in your eyes

I see my future in an instant

and there it goes

I think I’ve found my best friend

I know that it might sound more than

a little crazy but I believe

 

I knew I loved you before I met you

I think I dreamed you into life

I knew I loved you before I met you

I have been waiting all my life

~Savage Garden~

Khushi shifted and smiled as she fluttered back to consciousness. She felt Arnav’s hand sprawled across her stomach, curled slightly as he slept next to her, his breathing low and peaceful as his thick lashes rested peacefully againt his cheeks. There was a pale shadow on his jaws, making them look more hollow and angular even in sleep. His leg was entangled with hers, the delicious warmth of him pressing against her left side as she watched him sleep. His hair fell in black waves across his forehead, making her want to run her fingers through them. But somehow, she sensed that it had been a long time since he had slept as peacefully as he was now.

She had no idea when the two of them had tumbled into sleep. The minutes of wakefulness after their lovemaking had been filled with silence and strangely empty of thoughts. He had simply held her close in his arms. The last few minutes of memory before sleep took her over, were only reminiscent of his even breathing. She could get used to this, she realized, the ability to sleep and wake up to the sound of his peaceful resting.

And just like that, a piercing sense of longing filled her, like it never had before – the need to be with him from now and forever. And in that moment, everything came hurtling back, the curse and the fact that despite knowing so much more, she was no closer to finding the answer. Twisting slightly, she propped herself on one arm, pulling the thick warm snowhite duvet up to cover herself as she looked at him in wonder.

Morgan

Arnav was a descendant of the Donohoe lineage.

Khushi repeated the words in her head till they settled down once more. But this time, the confusion that came with the knowledge of his part in their destiny, stayed. If Arnav was indeed Morgan Donohoe’s descendant, then either his mother or father had to be from the same lineage as well. And as far as Khushi knew, there had never been anything to suggest that the Raizadas had any non-Indian blood in them. All families that did have any foreign blood in their lineage were part of an unspoken exclusive coterie in Palolem and most of Goa’s other neighbourhoods that included everyone despite their economic status. The Raizadas had always been too rich, too Hindu heartland for Khushi to even consider the possibility of Arnav with an Irish descent.

But the Raizadas had also been highly inaccessible for her or anyone else to make any firm conclusions about them. So the possibility of Morgan’s family having found its way to her world, was still worth considering. However, if that was true, then it meant Anjali had the same magic in her blood. And yet, she…

Khushi frowned, her fingers finding their way to smooth Arnav’s hair back softly. It was the movement behind his close eyelids that made her snap out of her thought. She withdrew her hand and looked at him for a second, her heart skipping a beat as she recollected everything that had happened between them. Forgetting all thought of magic and inexplicable bonds that linked them, she smiled slowly and absently fingered the small bracelet she was wearing on the wrist she was propped up on. A slow blush stole up her body, sending it tumbling into tingles as she remembered how wonderfully languorous, urgent and yet intensely passionate their lovemaking had been last night. He had held nothing back in giving her pleasure or taking what he wanted. And she had been urged to do the same by the finality that their union brought with it.

She leaned in quickly and placed a quick kiss on the side of his mouth even as he continued to sleep before gently slipping out of the bed. The sheet she had managed to disengage from the bed proved to be rather cumbersome as she padded across the small room and made her way to the bathroom to freshen up.

Fifteen minutes later, the clock still blinking at only fifteen minutes past five, Khushi made her way to the fire place and crouched, one hand still clutching at the sheet as she tucked her hair behind her ear and whispered.

“Glow.” She said under her breath and a second of stillness later, a slow flame erupted among the logs, crackling almost merrily as it multiplied and filled her with warmth.

“Do you know how incredibly sexy you look right now?”

She should have known that he would have woken up. He was alert to a fault when it came to her. So she turned slowly, trying to keep the blush in check as she raised her eyes to meet his. She had never been called sexy in all her life. Pretty, yes. Beautiful too if she were too count her Granny Fi and NK.

“People must be blind.” He answered with a small smirk, his eyes glowing the reflection of the fire that was now spurting along the fireplace in large leaps. She shook her head and stood up, holding the sheet in place as she walked over to the bed.

“But then, they don’t have the luxury of seeing you like this.” Arnav shrugged and reached out to pull her down in one quick unexpected move.

“Ow..” Khushi winced as the sheet slipped away to fall in a pool at the foot of the bed while she tumbled on to Arnav who wasted no time in cupping her neck and angling her mouth in a kiss, as powerful and delirous as before. “Witch” He rasped as his mouth plundered hers as he pulled her under the duvet, allowing his hands to roam over her curves with uninterrupted possessiveness. As she twisted against his body, she felt her own courage return as she returned the kiss and edged her body closer to the end that she now knew awaited them.

“You have to stop reading my mind.” She whispered throatily as he dipped his mouth to kiss her neck, his teeth nipping the delicate skin in a lick of burning flame. One look in the large mirror in the bathroom had told just how effectively he had marked her in the one time they’d been together.

He stilled and then kissed the spot he had been lavishing his attention on before looking at her. There was a flash of something that she couldn’t recognize. She knew there was something that had just made its way to his mind and he had shut it off before she could have a glimpse. It was funny how so much stronger and in control of his magic he was for someone who had spent more years denying it and keeping it a secret. But the moment of her own astonishment and the flash she had witnessed was gone almost as easily as it had come and the teasing glint was back. “You marked me with that one fall on the beach. You don’t get to complain at all.” He whispered as he rolled on to his back and pulled her up almost clumsily. She stared at him, pushing upper body up slightly so that she could think clearly even as desire stabbed at her with an unmerciful sword.

“Why does it surprise you that I fell in love with you that day?” He asked, tucking her hair behind her left ear, allowing his knuckles to caress her cheek as he did.

“You didn’t.” She replied, relishing every second of warmth that permeated from his touch into her skin.

He looked at her for second unsmilingly and then he nodded. “That’s true. I don’t think I ever fell in love with you at all. I think I was always in love with you. Just like you always were. There was never any other option for us. Morgan and Ciara made sure of that.”

Khushi let her body drop as she kissed him on the mouth lightly before dipping her own head to gently nip at the skin above his clavicle and then soothe it with her lips, mirroring his own actions from seconds ago.

“Now this is marking.” She whispered into his ear, gently nibbling at his ear lobe.

She smiled at his hissed intake of breath and the hardening of his body beneath her and continued to rain kisses on the side of his face, taking her own sweet pleasure in making sure, every inch of her was touching him, torturing them both in the only way that they needed to be tortured.

“I was about to offer you a glimpse into what I was thinking that day. No more..” He growled and then flipped her over so that she was resting on the bed and he was toppled over her, both of them ridiculously at the edge of the bed but neither worried about the physicality of the fall that could come. Pinning her arms above her head, he kissed the insides of her wrists, then the insides of her elbows before he did the same to her breasts, the curve of her stomach and then dipped lower once slowly, almost teasing her into insanity.

“Are you trying to kill me?” She whispered out aloud, recalling his words from that first meeting that they were talking about.

“You and me both.” He promised before he came up and kissed her mouth, giving her a moment’s respite as he reached to the nightstand for the now familiar silver foil.

“You knew we would make love.” She said out aloud as she watched him come back to her, taking her mouth in a kiss and re-stoking the fire within that had stayed simmering for too many long moments.

“No other option, remember? It was always only a matter of time.” He whispered against her mouth before he drove into her, picking up the rhythm as they joined each other in their journey to heaven and back.

————

November 1998

“Arnav, where are you going?”

Arnav swore violently and turned around, his eyes narrowing in anger as he saw Anjali running up to him, her hair bouncing about her as they fell to her waist in unruly waves.

“And why do you care?” He sneered.

“Because it is Diwali…” Anjali offered almost equally angrily, her eyes flashing as they scanned her face. “And because it looks like you aren’t stoned yet.”

Arnav snorted. “I told you before. Don’t try to do what the two of them couldn’t. You once told me I wasn’t worthy of this family. And you were right. So…just…” He put his hands in front of himself as if ward her off. His head was beginning to throb painfully. The need to feel the drug coursing through his body was so acute, he wanted to bodily push his sister out of his path and make his way back.

“I said I was sorry, Arnav. I was just a teen too at the time, not older than you are now. And whatever they did…I was…”

“Enough, Anu. I don’t care about your explanation. And I don’t know why you are wasting your time here with me. I thought I heard you tell her that you are spending Diwali with your boyfriend. So just go and stop trying to make this…” He flailed his hands about, looking at large, desolate mansion that he needed to call home once before he turned and walked away.

“Arnav,”

This time it was his mother. Blood crept up his neck and surged as it filled his head. Rage like nothing he knew other than his confrontations with his mother blazed out of every pore of his skin.

He turned around to look at Ambika Raizada – perfectly adorned in the richest of silks, beautiful to a fault even close to mid-forties. If only she would show her….

“There is a puja at home for Diwali and you are expected to stay.” She said firmly, her face betraying no emotion at all. Not that Arnav expected it to.

He let out a short, bitter laugh. “When are you going to understand that these pujas aren’t going to help –Ma?” He spat out the last word, bitterness invading his heart as it always did when he spoke to either of his parents. “Some sins are too stubborn to be washed off with havans…”

“That’s enough. Your father is going to be home today and you are going to make yourself decent and attend the puja. Or…”

Arnav laughed out aloud, ignoring the way Anjali’s face had paled beside him as she avoided looking at her mother. “Or? Come on, Ma. Finish that threat. Let me see if you can do it.”

This time, there was tiny flicker in Ambika’s face. “You owe to your father.”

“I love how you say that with such authority, Ma.” He said bitterly. “Thanks for the invitation but I politely decline. And next time, don’t begin with threats. You know they aren’t going to work.”

He turned away only to hear his sister pipe up immediately.

“Do you want me to stay, Ma? I can…”

“Go be with your friend.” Ambika Raizada’s reply was curt and Arnav could do nothing but run as fast as his legs would carry him. He dismissed the uncharacteristic surge of sympathy for his sister and shook his head. She didn’t need him. She had that boyfriend of hers. She would be fine. And he…

He needed to find that cigarette.

—————–

Half an hour later, Arnav dragged the last puff in savoring the way the smoke made its way to his blood and brought him the peace he craved so desparately. His mother’s voice and the images that had been imprinted in his head for four years now, blurred and faded away. Theree was a sense of delirium that was threatening to take over. It was a good day. He looked around and realized he had walked a long way along the beach. There was a small forest like enclosure towards the mainland where he now stood. It looked secluded. Just what he needed when he needed to be alone. Tempting.

Almost as if someone heard his thoughts, the wind rustled, ruffling his hair. But at the moment he didn’t care. He was in a good mood. So he began walking towards the enclosure.

He took one step into the alcove and everything came to a screaming stand still.

Wait.

He looked around as the whisper echoed in his ears. There was no one around. He knew that and yet the whisper had been so real. A frission of something unknown made him tremble and he stepped away from the alcove.

Shrugging the sense of foreboding away, he walked away from the alcove andplonked himself into the sand, right in the middle of the deserted beach. When he closed his eyes to the blue, cloud-free skies above, he knew that he was somewhere close to some private property. But in that moment, nothing else mattered. He felt a delicious warmth steal up his body and an inexplicable sense of anticipation pulse against his wrist. Millions of colors exploded behind his closed eyelids. He lay there, motionless and happy for longer than he knew. And yet it couldn’t have been more than a few minutes.

And then, before he knew what was happening, he felt a piercing pain shoot up his calf a second before something came hurtling down on him, heavy and soft and full of an unknown fragrance. He felt a bolt of lightning race up his body and surge through his solar plexus before he realized that it was not something that had stumbled upon him. Someone. It was someone. The realization was followed by a sharp tug of pain as two bony elbows jammed into his abdomen.

He grunted almost ferally, opening his eyes to meet the brightest pair of hazel eyes he had ever laid his eyes on. Wide in her angular, almost angelic face, her eyes were brilliant like they were glowing with a light of their own, deep green flecks sparkled in doe-like confusion as she blinked. And her elbows dug into his stomach again.

This time he couldn’t help the string of curses that flew out of his mouth. He could see her flinch as he continued to swear, the pain too vivid in the wake of his intoxicated state. And then he stared as she closed her ears in shock, stumbling against him as she did, her cheeks a deep, hot red.

 “Sorry, sorry..sorry…I wasn’t…” She began, trying to get up clumsily as the heel of her palms pressed into his chest.

“What the hell are you doing? Are you trying to kill me?” He asked angrily, his eyes now closed as his face contorted with pain. “Wait” He said, stilling her body with his hands on her waist, forcing her to stop squirming as he muttered more curses. She was going to kill him. Did she not realize just how much of a torture it was to be subjected to such proximity of a warm body? Arnav’s hands curled around her waist and instantly he felt electricity ripple through him. Gritting his teeth, he shifted slightly and helped the girl stand up. A couple of minutes later, she was on her feet, dusting sand off her palms and her clothes, her hair flying into her face as she checked her outfit.

“Unbelievable” He thought incredulously. After causing him so much pain, here she was checking herself for…“You have got to be kidding me. Here you almost mauled me to death and you are worried about how you look.”

She jerked her head up to look at him as he pulled himself up to a half seated position as he continued to stare at her, leaning back slightly so that he could look into her face. The evening sun was now peeking out from behind her head, casting an eerie rusty halo around her. She looked positively ethereal in the moment. Like an angel.

The thought came and shook him to the core. It was ridiculous. What the hell was wrong wth him? He shook himself mentally and narrowed his eyes to look at her. However, she seemed to be caught in just as much of a trap. She was staring back at him with just as much curiosity and interest as he had been. He saw her eyes scan his face, almost as if trying to place him. A small smile teased his lips. It wouldn’t be a first. Given everything that the local papers and gossip mills had to say about him, it would be surprising if she didn’t know who he was. Just like he seemed to know who she was.

“Like what you see?” He asked a second later, the smirk on his lips widening in stance.

He saw blood rise in her neck and steal up to her cheeks. In that instant, she looked not more than ten or twelve – a girl caught in throes of her first brush with attraction.

 “You look familiar.” She blurted out, making him chuckle out aloud. She was nervous. And it gave him a strange sense of satisfaction to see her so ruffled.

“Nice line, kid. But I am too old to be picked up by ten year old girls.” He replied, falling back to the ground on his back, closing his eyes as he did. He needed to stop staring at her. And while he was fairly sure she wasn’t ten, it was the only thing he could say to snap her out of her daze.

It worked. He didn’t have to look at her face to know that she was angry. The confirmation followed shortly.

“I am fifteen.” She retorted, her musical voice almost school marmish in effort.

He lifted his head and opened one eye. “So you were trying to pick me up. I would, sweetheart, but I have the high I need for now.”

Once again, those hazel eyes widened in her face, making him swear in his head. Clearly she didn’t have any idea just how potent the effect was.

“You are drunk?” She asked and he could hear every bit of what was churning through her head. She was confused by his statement about being high. An innocent, he concluded. Out of his league. He needed to keep that in mind. There wasn’t a dearth of stunning girls around him. And almost all of them were available if he wanted them to be. That was one perk of being a Raizada. He took a deep breath. “Other ways to get high, kid.” He leaned back on the ground, and closed his eyes, tapping his feet almost restlessly as a surge of unknown emotions merged with familiar ones.

“Don’t call me that.” She retorted angrily. This time she sounded genuinely annoyed and that made him open his eyes, this time wide open. He watched as she stepped back and scanned her face. He studied every curve and angle, high cheek bones, clear skin, lips that looked like they were muttering prayers under her breath. Or curses. He felt like someone kicked him in the gut. She was spectacular. Beautiful. His.

The thought made him cringe. And the curse in his head sprang out without warning.

Fuck! Who the hell is this?

“Don’t curse.” She said quietly. “Ask me who I am instead. I am bound by no curse that prevents me from revealing my identity.”

She had heard his thought? He frowned. Of course she couldn’t have. And yet she had answered it almost superiorly. It unnerved him. “What the hell! Did I say that out loud?” He exclaimed, his eyes now searching her face doubtfully.

She took another step back, biting her lips in worry as if she had revealed something deeply secretive. And that irked him. He hated secrets.

“Why? Mummy doesn’t like it when you curse?” He rolled his eyes, now dark and fiery again. He felt his familiar disdain for all things inexplicable return with a vengeance.

“Actually Papa doesn’t. But I guess it’s OK for the point you are trying to prove.” She retorted, surprising him with her “courage”. And then he watched in amusement as she clapped her hand over her mouth. She had surprised herself with her sarcasm just as much.

Interesting, he thought before he continued. “What? Mummy doesn’t even like when you are rude?” He asked slyly, a small smirk forming at the corner of his mouth.

This time, she shook her head silently and then made to turn away from him.

Soemthing about her leaving, her inability to place who he was, made him nervous like he had never been. So he interrupted, hoping to stall her for a few more minutes.

“You didn’t recognize me after all, did you?” He knew he was mocking her but he didn’t know any other way to prolong this conversation. “Good to know there are still some of you in Palolem.”

Once again, it worked. She turned around again, her eyes narrowed in focus. He could see her rack her brains as she searched for some clue to his identity, his name…

“Oh no, no…guess my name and ..ah whatever that elf fairy tale was about…” Arnav said slowly, surprised that his mind was able to come up with some instance of a story he was sure he had never truly heard.

“Rumpelstiltskin” She offered as she struggled to place him. And then that look returned – the one of fear and awe, of that deep secret he had peeked at. It teased the corners of his mind as well but he was too lost to try and focus on what it was that was unnatural about their meeting.

“I..I have to go…” She stuttered and his heart leaped again. She was leaving. He…

“Of course. You do seem like the fairy tale type. Also the mommy type. Yes, little girl…you should go…Go and let me be in peace. And next time, watch where you are going.” He said, leaning back and closing his eyes once more. And yet, he could feel her eyes boring into his face. He could feel her fear as she realized she was talking to a complete stranger even as night was falling around them. He could feel her heart beat booming in his head. She was going to run away. She was going to leave. And there was nothing he could do now.

“You aren’t going to say Happy Diwali before you leave? I would have guessed you were also the manners type.” He tried one last time.

This time she cursed herself and then slapped her head for doing that. He chuckled again. She really was something else. And then her voice filtered into his ears. Musical, lilting, luring.  “Happy Diwali.”

He couldn’t help but laugh, the sound low and rumbling, a sound he hadn’t heard in his own head for so long. “Don’t bother, Angel, I am an atheist.” He drawled, knowing that the end was here. Or was it the beginning.

Run, he heard her telling herself. Khushi. She called herself that.

Khushi. He repeated, relishing the way her name felt in his head – familiar, right, perfect.

Run? Not a chance.

He smiled to himself and threw his arm over his eyes to sink back into the sand. 

Author’s Note:

To everyone who takes the time to drop in a word each chapter, chapter by chapter, thank you. When the going gets tough, you make me smile. 

Next update: Jan 30, 2014, 9PM IST

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